co-sleeping: why the conversation is important

 So you've just had a baby huh? Your OBGYN or midwife has handed you a pamphlet on safe sleeping. You have a flip through and there is not a singe thing about co-sleeping and then she says to you, "now it's very important you always put baby to bed in her cot, on her back with nothing around her." and you think to yourself... but what if I want to sleep with my baby...how do I do that safely? But you are too scared to ask because you are worried you are going to be labeled a bad mum...? Yeah, I did that. I even made up the bassinet because I didn't want my midwife to know I wanted to co-sleep in case I got told off. Thankfully I had other mum friends who had explained to me the safest ways of co-sleeping and for the first few weeks I used a co-sleeping in-bed-bassinet thingy.

Why is it so frowned upon in Australia? And why is there no information given to new mums so they can make safe choices? Even at the top of the Raising Children's webpage about co-sleeping it says CO-SLEEPING CAN BE DANGEROUS FOR BABIES!! Talk about scaring parents as soon as they start seeking information. Having the conversation out in the open should be the priority as it has been proven that when people have all the information and a properly educated they make safe choices. Many mums report that they have fallen asleep in a chair or on the couch trying to get their baby to sleep, which is by far the most dangerous place to sleep with an infant, because they think that bed sharing is not an option. So lets get educated and keep our babies safe and save our sleep!

Parents have been bed sharing since babies existed. In some cultures like the Maasai people of Kenya and Tanzania hardly put their babies down, preferring to wear them in a sling called a capulana, and you better believe they are co-sleeping. Women in Sweden routinely sleep with their babies and small children, it is considered commonplace and even unusual if you don't. There are also other forms of co-sleeping where, in Vietnam they sometimes sleep with the baby in a wicker basket between the two parents in bed, in Japan they often sleep next to the baby on a traditional tatami mat. 

One of the big worries for parents when they are considering co-sleeping is the ever present black cloud that is SIDS. However, there is a lot of research to suggest that SIDS is not related to bed-sharing so much as it is related to smoking. And with he recent rises in bed-sharing and the decrease in parents smoking, the rates of SIDS has actually decreased. * This can be seen in Hong Kong particularly, where the rates of co-sleeping has increased and smoking has decreased. 

How does it benefit the baby? 

Well firstly, you're baby is more likely to go to sleep faster and stay asleep longer. They are comforted by your presence and therefor feel safe to relax. 

Breastfeeding is as easy as popping a boob out! You can pull you baby over to you, feed them and then place them safely back and go back to sleep. No getting up, turning on lights or walking around trying to put baby down again.

If there is a problem, you will be right there and able to intervene strait away. You are right their next to them so you can hear if they vomit or are in distress. It has also been noted that more frequent breastfeeding can help to prevent SIDS, and co-sleeping presents the opportunity to frequently breastfeed through out the night with little disturbance to mother or baby. 

Babies naturally have breaks in their breathing rhythm when they are very little. Having a parent right next to them while they sleep can remind them to continue to breath, falling into the same rhythm as the parent. 

And finally, a child who co-sleeps shares a deep sense of trust and love with the parent. they know the parent will always be there to meet their needs and they can move to their own bed when they are ready. This goes for older children too. Studies have found that children who co-sleep with their parents and each other can deepen family bonds and have better relationships on the whole.

How does it benefit you? You will get more sleep! Do I need to say more?

Co-sleeping is not right for everyone, sure. All babies and parents are different with different needs. Don't feel bad if it is just not working for you. But if it IS right for YOU, here are some easy tips to do it as safely as you can:

1.Make sure that you have a clean mattress first of all. Give that bad boy a scrub before baby comes. If you have a mattress protector or cover, make sure it's firm and not too fluffy, so babies face can't sink into it.

2.Get a tightly fitted sheet. (Also, you can place an absorbent pad under the sheet if you need to. Just to catch any fluids that are inevitably going to come out of baby, from either end.)

3.Choose a light weight blanket or quilt and pjs that are warm enough for you to just pull the blanket up to your waist. It's important you keep the bedding away from baby to prevent any accidents. If you need to, wear a jumper, you will be warm and toasty and baby will be safe! 

4.Dress baby in clothing that is appropriate for the temperature. Generally I say avoid synthetic fibres because baby might over heat. Their is no need to swaddle baby or put them in a sleep sack, generally I say, do not do it. 

5.Remove and pillows or toys from your bed, just keep one for yourself. This prevents any change of suffocation.

6.Never put a hat, headband or bonnet on baby when they are sleeping at any time. They could easily slip over their face and restrict breathing. 

7.Place baby on there back on a smooth section of bed that is not too close to the edge, then you lay down next to them facing towards them. That way you can reach over at any time to check they are ok.

8.Do not put baby on a side of the bed that is next to a wall. If you choose, a good option is to remove your bed base and put the mattress strait on the door. this can prevent and serious accidents.**

9.Never co-sleep with baby if you have been smoking, drinking or taking any kind of medication or elicit drugs. If you are impaired in any way you are more likely to not respond if your baby is in distress and possibly smother baby! Easily avoided by putting baby in a bassinet or cot for a night if you've had a few too many white wine spritzers out with the girls one night. 

10.Lastly, make smart choices. If something seems dangerous or like it might be a bad idea, don't do it.

If co-sleeping feels a bit scary and daunting, here are some other options! 

Purchase a beside the bed bassinet. they are much like a regular bassinet but they butt up against the side of the bed. They give the baby their own space so they are still within arms reach but well out of the way of mum and dad. These often have a little mesh gate you can pull up and down if you want to check on baby in the night.

Co-sleeper in-bed bassinet. Baby has their own space again, but within the parents bed. These often come with a fabric wrap that keeps baby in place and stops them from rolling. I used one of these for Olive when she was a newborn and it gave me peace of mind while I was learning about co-sleeping.

Simply setting up a cot or bassinet in your room. You will be able to hear baby at all times and get to them swiftly! 

I hope this has been helpful and encourages you to research the other options that are available to parents. Never feel like you can't choose your own path just because it seems like the majority of people are telling you otherwise. You will find your way! 

Thankyou for reading and happy sleeping!

*Please read this article if you would like to know more about SIDS cosleeping_world.html

** Olive fell out of bed once when she was learning to crawl, it gave me the fright of my life. I immediately got rid of my bed frame and surrounded my bed with foam matting. A bit of over kill really, but it made me feel safer and that's the most important thing.