Single Mum life: don't worry about me
Let me clarify. Just because I'm a single mum, does not mean I'm struggling. In many cases I have it a lot easier than Mums with partners. The only people I have to worry about are Olive and myself! Sure, sometimes I need a helping hand from a family member or friend, especially in the early days, but what new mum doesn't? People are so wonderful when you have a baby, even people you don't know. I am just speaking from my experience only of course. I think I have it fairly easy, I'm privileged as a white woman with a good education and a supportive family. I chose to be a single mother. I decided a few years ago that I just wasn't willing to wait for the ideal partner to come along and that I wanted to just do it myself.
There are a lot of pros to being a single parent. I make all the decisions for my baby and myself. I chose the doctor I wanted to see through my pregnancy and the midwife program. I chose to have Olive at home. And I will continue to choose everything from her clothing to her school until she is able to make choices for herself. The best part of this? There is no one fighting me over every choice. I ask people's opinions, get their advice, but I never have to take it or compromise if that is not what I want to do. I can just do what I feel is best for my child and I.
I get to co-sleep with Olive and every morning wake up to her tiny little smile and frantic wiggling arms as she madly tries to alert me to her happiness. I get to dress her and bath her and comfort her when she cries. I get to rock her and hold her hand while she falls asleep. I get to be the one who she looks to when she needs anything. That's me. I'm Mum. I am her whole world. And how lucky am I? Sure, sometimes it can be a challenge when she is over tired and I'm tired and we both just want to sleep but can't quite work out how. But we get through it. Together.
Yes, sometimes things can be a little bit tricky or take longer than if I had someone else with me. For example I stopped in the middle of writing this to pick Olive up when she woke up in her pram, Cuddled and resettled her on the sofa behind me. This took me twenty minutes. But they were good minutes. They weren't wasted minutes. I smelled her baby milk breath, wiped her face, cradled her, rocked her and then gently laid her down to sleep again. The trick is to never be in a rush to do something. I have had to change this about myself. I have always wanted to get everything done as efficiently as I can, but with a baby, you have to go at their pace. As a solo parent you can't hand your child to your partner to finish your work, cook dinner or clean your house. You have to work around this. And for a lot of partnered parents this is the case too, often one parent is at work anyway, so you aren't getting help during the day. You figure it out and carry on.
I am never alone in anything. While I have chosen to solo parent, I always know that if I need help, there is someone who is more than willing to come over day or night. I have a few gorgeous mum friends who have answered so many of my questions as I blundered through pregnancy and early motherhood. And I have since done the same for other mothers and soon to be mothers. Community is everything when raising a child. My wonderful friends are practically breaking down my door to have a cuddle with Olive. It makes me so happy that she has so many people in her life that are crazy about her and care so much about me. I am never short of a baby sitter if I need to do something without her, and I always know she is safe. My friends have dropped over food, taken me to doctors appointments, cared for Olive while I have had driving lessons, come over for chats, made me tea and most importantly, entertained Olive while I showered!
When people say they are worried or concerned for me, it's always before they have seen my situation fully. They haven't had the opportunity to see how blessed I am and how well Olive and I get along when it's just the two of us. And that is ok! They are only concerned because they care about our well being, and that is so wonderful. But to these lovely people, I say, don't worry about me. It's a privilege to spend that extra time with her. Being Olive's mum is the greatest thing I have ever done.
There are a lot of pros to being a single parent. I make all the decisions for my baby and myself. I chose the doctor I wanted to see through my pregnancy and the midwife program. I chose to have Olive at home. And I will continue to choose everything from her clothing to her school until she is able to make choices for herself. The best part of this? There is no one fighting me over every choice. I ask people's opinions, get their advice, but I never have to take it or compromise if that is not what I want to do. I can just do what I feel is best for my child and I.
I get to co-sleep with Olive and every morning wake up to her tiny little smile and frantic wiggling arms as she madly tries to alert me to her happiness. I get to dress her and bath her and comfort her when she cries. I get to rock her and hold her hand while she falls asleep. I get to be the one who she looks to when she needs anything. That's me. I'm Mum. I am her whole world. And how lucky am I? Sure, sometimes it can be a challenge when she is over tired and I'm tired and we both just want to sleep but can't quite work out how. But we get through it. Together.
Yes, sometimes things can be a little bit tricky or take longer than if I had someone else with me. For example I stopped in the middle of writing this to pick Olive up when she woke up in her pram, Cuddled and resettled her on the sofa behind me. This took me twenty minutes. But they were good minutes. They weren't wasted minutes. I smelled her baby milk breath, wiped her face, cradled her, rocked her and then gently laid her down to sleep again. The trick is to never be in a rush to do something. I have had to change this about myself. I have always wanted to get everything done as efficiently as I can, but with a baby, you have to go at their pace. As a solo parent you can't hand your child to your partner to finish your work, cook dinner or clean your house. You have to work around this. And for a lot of partnered parents this is the case too, often one parent is at work anyway, so you aren't getting help during the day. You figure it out and carry on.
I am never alone in anything. While I have chosen to solo parent, I always know that if I need help, there is someone who is more than willing to come over day or night. I have a few gorgeous mum friends who have answered so many of my questions as I blundered through pregnancy and early motherhood. And I have since done the same for other mothers and soon to be mothers. Community is everything when raising a child. My wonderful friends are practically breaking down my door to have a cuddle with Olive. It makes me so happy that she has so many people in her life that are crazy about her and care so much about me. I am never short of a baby sitter if I need to do something without her, and I always know she is safe. My friends have dropped over food, taken me to doctors appointments, cared for Olive while I have had driving lessons, come over for chats, made me tea and most importantly, entertained Olive while I showered!
When people say they are worried or concerned for me, it's always before they have seen my situation fully. They haven't had the opportunity to see how blessed I am and how well Olive and I get along when it's just the two of us. And that is ok! They are only concerned because they care about our well being, and that is so wonderful. But to these lovely people, I say, don't worry about me. It's a privilege to spend that extra time with her. Being Olive's mum is the greatest thing I have ever done.
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