Mum shaming: They just can't help it!

So picture this; you're walking down the street with your beautiful brand spanking new baby safely tucked in her pram. Fresh clothes on, clean hair and a good attitude. you see a neighbour who rushes over to say "ooohhh is this the new edition?" and you proudly show off your gorgeous bundle of joy. She notes that you're looking great and "how is it that you don't look tired??" 

You reply with "oh, I co-sleep with my baby, when she wakes, I simply feed her and then put her back down in her safe zone and go back to sleep"
The neighbour looks shocked and concerned. You think she is going to come at you with some thing about how co-sleeping might kill your baby, how you might roll on her in your sleep or how it promotes SIDs....But no! "Oh, you should nip that in the bud. You won't want her sleeping in your bed when she is 14!"....but she is a newborn baby??

There is no end to mum shaming. I find the only thing I can do is ignore it. Because no matter what, there is always going to be someone who is going to tell you you're doing something wrong. But you know, in your heart, you are doing the best for your baby and yourself. How ever you choose to sleep, be it in a cot in another room, in a cot in your room, in an a joining bedside bassinet or in bed with you, if your baby is sleeping and you've done your research you have nothing to worry about.
Same with formula feeding or pumping. Is your baby happy and healthy? YES! Well don't worry about those mums who say "breast is best! breast is best!" They don't know your journey, your struggles or your choices.

Recently I even had a family member ask, "what have you been doing with your time?" and I simply replied with "keeping my five week old child alive?" like that's not enough. The expectations of new mums is massive. Imagine being hit by a car, and then having to care for someone who can not speak or move and continuously poo'd their pants... and on top of that, cleaning the house, doing all the laundry and cooking your own healthy meals so to provide milk for this small invalid. Now imagine someone asking you about your creative endeavours or when you're thinking about going back to work....the mind boggles. But that's how it is!
Thankfully in my experience, most people are much, much more empathetic and will bring you food, make you tea and help you hang the washing out. (My mum has been absolutely indispensable when it comes to helping me) 
A slightly funnier mum-shame, came from the same family member who, when seeing a photo of my daughter, politely informed me that the pacifier I had chosen was too big for her. It is her favourite and the only one she will take... cue the face palm.

But honestly, I've heard of women being shamed in the super market for having a crying toddler, or at the park for not having "correct attire" for their baby OR my absolute least favourite, in a cafe for breast feeding. It's just not good enough.

If anyone approaches you and asks you to cover yourself while you feed your baby in public, you have every right to ask them politely to go get fucked.  Legally you have every right to feed your child nay way you choose to. If you're comfortable getting a boob out, get that bad girl out! If you feel more comfortable with a wrap around you while you feed, go for it. There should be no judgment about providing your child with nourishment, you are just doing the most natural thing in the world.

For me, I find it exhausting to explain again and again my choices to someone who really has no business asking in the first place. For my sanity I just smile and move on. It all either just comes from ignorance, lack of empathy or just genuine concern. Apart from the breast feeding thing...I would totally put someone in their place for that. That's just a dick move.
People need to think a little bit more about what they are saying and make some internal edits before blurting out unwanted advice at mums who are already doing their best!
Make the world a better place, stop mum shaming!

The offending object!